Mark Simiona looks at the experiences of Pacific fathers, and how they navigate the challenges of parenthood.
Introduction
Becoming a dad is a universal journey. One without a map or a defined book of instructions. On top this each culture adds its own unique flavour to the experience. For Pacific fathers, this journey is coloured by rich cultural traditions, renowned for their strong sense of family, community, and a connection to the land and sea.
However, they too face the challenges of fatherhood, balancing their cultural heritage with the demands of modern parenting, facing their fair share of stress and emotional challenges. In this blog, I want to explore the experiences of Pacific fathers, and how they:
- Navigate the Waves of Fatherhood.
- Coping with the stressors of parenting.
- Daddy daycare (Taking care of you).
Navigating the Waves of Fatherhood
In the Pacific, family is everything. Fathers are expected to be strong pillars of support, providing not just financially but emotionally as well. Many Pacific Island fathers carry on traditions of storytelling, dance, and music, passing down their heritage to the next generation. While they treasure these customs, they also understand the need to adapt in the ever-changing world of parenting.
Pacific Island fathers, like most dads worldwide, find themselves at a crossroads where tradition meets modernity. Through my work with Teen Fathers as young as 12 years old to 24 years plus there are differences and similarities being born either in the islands or here in Aotearoa.
One Teen dad said to me when asked what influence him as a parent said, “I do it the way my olds did”. This was a strong trend in the feedback from our young dads. We found that parenting, culture and tradition is strongly influenced by the people in their upbringing. Mum, dad, grandparents and the wider family play a major role in setting foundations in their early years. This impacted:
- How they communicated with partners and children.
- The support they had from community and family.
- How they embraced the challenges or parenting.
Two words come to mind when the stress from parenting turns into unacceptable actions that cause verbal, mental or physical harm. These are ‘Pride’ and ‘Knowledge’.
Pride:
It is a natural and good thing to be proud, there is nothing wrong with that. But when pride limits or stops you from asking for help or support when you’re struggling with anything let alone parenting your children, it’s now contributing to your stress level. Please know that there is nothing wrong with asking for help or support. You will be much stronger for it and putting good advice into action contributes to becoming a greater father.
Knowledge:
I’ve been told ‘the more you know the more there is to know’, and ‘you can never know everything about anything’. Knowledge is always good, what you know affects what you think which in turn affects how you behave and what you say. It’s fair to say that not knowing what or how in any situation causes stress. This has been reflected by feedback from our Teen Dads parenting their children the way they were raised. You do what you know. Seeking advice from grandparents and older family members is a way to gain insights into parenting. Uncle Teina from Aitutaki reflects: "Our elders have weathered many storms. Their guidance helps us navigate the challenges of parenting with grace and patience."
To be Continued...
In our next issue we explore ‘Coping with the stressors of parenting’. Some of these methods, deeply rooted in their cultural heritage, providing relief from the stress of fatherhood, and also a way to strengthen the bond with families and communities. Happy Father’s Day to all our dads.
Author: Mark Simiona, MHT Trustee & CEO, Level Up Aotearoa Charitable Trust, Nesian Power and Level Up Ltd, Executive Director of Te Ora Puāwai Ltd.
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